I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
