We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
