"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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