went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
She just used a chaser for red wine.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
how does that bad decision feel?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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