So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
he was CRYING into my vagina
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
