I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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