Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
this boner is exhausting
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
