i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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