when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
