How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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