If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
