gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
