Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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