Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
