guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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