Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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