I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
