Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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