i will never coherently bang her
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
