i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
