he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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