we made out on top of his cat.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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