I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
