i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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