Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
