i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
