Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
