How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
