oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
don't judge my taste in strippers
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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