is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
that's an acceptable place to lick
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
