hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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