This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
