omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
