did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
