Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
