Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
