I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
