Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
