Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
