I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
