Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
