just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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