Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
