Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
