Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
