im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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