who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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