My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I didn't notice because vodka
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
