I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
