if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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